


Come Back?

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-31
Updated: 2010-10-31
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:26:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was planning to write crack, really, I was.  But my brain didn’t approve of that plan, so you get more fucked up depressing shit instead.<br/>Skwisgaar died almost a year ago, and Toki is going to try to bring him back with some book he’s acquired.  But you do get a lot of T/S stuff mixed into it, so there’s that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Back?

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t try to fit this into any particular brand of ritual, I took elements from a lot of different stuff. Skwisgaar knows about it because he’s been in the spirit world.

Finally it was Halloween. It had been so hard to wait, but the book said that the spell would be strongest then. And it _had_ to work, it just had to.  
Toki knelt in a clearing not far from Mordhaus. It was best to use the grave site, but of course Viking funerals left no grave. He hoped this was good enough, if not it would still have to do. He’d copied the drawings as exactly as he could, cut the plants with the special black knife, everything was ready. All that was left was to wait for the proper time. Nothing to do but think.

_Skwisgaar had always picked on him, teased him. It reminded Toki of how kids acted when they got a crush and didn’t know what to do about it. It was no less maddening.  
The worst part was not knowing if it was even true. Why would Skwisgaar, of all people, be shy about liking somebody? It made no sense. But as far as he was aware, Skwisgaar hadn’t ever been with another guy. Maybe that was the difference._

Toki was now the lead guitarist, but Dethklok wasn’t what it had been when Skwisgaar had carried them to the top. He tried his best, they all did, but things were just different now.  
They were all different, incomplete, changed. Fans hardly ever even died at their shows anymore. Any time now, Dethklok would lose their tentative hold on the number one spot and then they would fall fast into obscurity. It would all end.

Despite what the others suspected, Toki wasn’t gay. He had never been a huge fan of sluts, but he liked women in general just fine. But there was just something attractive about Skwisgaar. He didn’t look like a woman, it wasn’t that. Just something deep inside the man that begged to be held, taken care of, kept safe. Even within the band, no one was more alone. He had hid it well, but some part of Toki sensed it and responded.

_Skwisgaar had been depressed, although he wasn’t saying why. He’d been quiet all night, not even playing his guitar. The others were paying no attention, but Toki noticed, especially the way he kept checking the time. He was waiting for it to be late enough that he could disappear without anyone thinking anything of it.  
The others were in a discussion sparked by a weapons documentary, but Toki really didn’t have anything to contribute._

_Finally, the magic hour seemed to have arrived. Skwisgaar stood and stretched, grunted something, and walked out. Toki didn’t wait long before following him, nobody noticed.  
Deciding not to knock (he’d probably be turned away), Toki slipped into Skwisgaar’s room.  
Skwisgaar was standing in front of his window, looking out. He didn’t turn, proof enough that he was upset. He was a man who hated to show emotion._

_“Skwisgaar.” Toki said the name softly, letting him know who was there, and slid his arms around him from behind.  
There was a brief moment when Skwisgaar leaned back into the embrace, seeking comfort, before he resisted and pulled away. But the touch had broken him, he sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands, hiding behind his hair.  
Toki sat beside him, the damage was done, and took him in his arms. Skwisgaar was stiff, resisting but not pulling away. “I’s not going to makes fun of yous, I just wants to help. Lets me?”_

That had been the first time that Skwisgaar had trusted him, finally pressing against him and accepting the comfort.  
He never came to Toki though, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it. But Toki would be watching, caring, and come when he was needed. They would hold each other, completely ignoring the ‘no caring’ rule.  
And somewhere along the way, it had all changed.

_Toki knew that he loved his bandmates, even if that wasn’t metal. But it was different with Skwisgaar. These feelings he was having, he more then just loved the man, he was beginning to think he might be _in_ love with him. He found himself studying those full lips, wondering how they would feel under his.  
But it would be wrong to take advantage of an emotional weakness. That’s why he came to Skwisgaar’s room unexpectedly one night._

_“Toki, what ams you doings here?”  
It was hard to get the words out. “I wants to tries something?”  
Skwisgaar cocked his head curiously, and Toki stepped up and kissed him before he could lose his nerve.  
After a second, Skwisgaar’s arms came around him and he kissed back with a unexpected passion. Standing in the moonlight, they had kissed for what felt like hours._

After that night, everything had changed between them.  
It was all still up to Toki, but now Skwisgaar would sometimes give him flirting looks when the others couldn’t see, encouragement, invitation. And things had just progressed from there.  
It seemed impossible that he’d been gone almost a year already, and impossible that he’d been gone not even a year yet.  
Toki checked the time, and moved to lean against a tree while he waited.

They had always kept it a secret from the others, somehow. The rest of the band had no idea they’d been lovers, not even Charles had known. They knew he’d taken Skwisgaar’s death hard, of course, but he was considered childish and emotional half the time so they didn’t dwell on it.  
And Toki had hidden a lot of it from them, no one could take Skwisgaar’s place. And Dethklok had started spiraling, drifting slowly downward.  
But soon he would change that, soon he would bring Skwisgaar back.

_The first time they’d made love, Skwisgaar had been almost shy. Neither of them had been with a man before, but of course they knew how it worked. Toki had been very careful, probably too careful, but Skwisgaar had been willing to trust him.  
Toki had never made love to someone he loved before, and was overwhelmed by the experience. Skwisgaar had been yielding, trusting, and responsive. It had been wonderful. Only the first of many times, as time went on._

_They’d lay in bed, loosely entwined. Toki nuzzled Skwisgaar’s ear. “I loves you.”  
Skwisgaar didn’t reply but did tighten his arms, holding Toki closer.  
In all their time together, Skwisgaar had never said the words. Toki kept telling himself that he would in time, he just had to be patient and wait until he was ready. He was fairly certain of Skwisgaar’s love, but doubt did creep in sometimes._

It was nearly midnight. Toki lit the small fire he had ready, and placed the plants on the flames.  
The heavy smoke swirled, seeming to mimic the designs drawn around the fire, around him.  
Would this work? It _had_ to work! It was midnight now.  
Toki closed his eyes, concentrating on thoughts of Skwisgaar, trying to call him back.  
Come back, come back and make everything okay again.

“What ams dis dildos shit?”  
It _couldn’t_ be! As much as he’d hoped this would work, he hadn’t been able to really _believe_ it would! He was afraid to open his eyes, of what he might see.  
“Pfft. Little Toki, why does you calls me if you ams not even goings to looks at me?”  
Well that certainly sounded like Skwisgaar...   
Toki opened his eyes.

Skwisgaar stood on the other side of the fire, looking exactly as he used to and very real.  
Toki jumped up and tried to embrace him but Skwisgaar moved away, keeping the fire between them. “Skwisgaar, I’s missed yous so much!”  
“You didn’t reads de whole ting, dids you? I ams not really heres.”  
“I don’ts understand!” All he wanted was to be able to hold him, it had been so long, and he was so close!  
“You had to be decidings if you ams coming wit me or stayings here. Reads it!” Skwisgaar pointed to the open book on the ground.

Not knowing what else to do, Toki picked up the book. He really _hadn’t_ read past the ‘how to bring him back’ part...  
Oh. It seemed that he could either kill himself with the funny black glass knife and be with Skwisgaar forever, or he could do nothing and Skwisgaar’s spirit (or whatever it was) would vanish as the fire died.  
It was a small fire, and he wasn’t allowed to add to it. There wasn’t much time to decide.

Was it worth it? To kill himself to join this man who’d never even said he loved him? That he missed so terribly?  
Or stay, ride the beast that was Dethklok down out of the sky, and fade into obscurity with time?  
“Do you loves me, Skwisgaar? Do you even loves me?”  
There was no answer. That was bullshit, Toki knew he could speak! But he understood, it was his decision alone, and Skwisgaar wouldn’t influence him either way.

Toki picked up the strange knife, considering it. The specter that was Skwisgaar watched him in silence.  
To go with the only love he had ever truly known, or to fade away into time?  
To fade away was also to die.  
Toki placed the blade against his wrist, but couldn’t make the cut. As a guitarist, he simply couldn’t bear to cause the damage.

“Skwisgaar, you waits for me! Don’t leaves me here alones!” Toki backed up away from the fire and lay down, partially on the pattern he had drawn. He placed the knife to his throat.  
“Skwisgaar... please tells me you loves me?” There was only silence. “Okays... I think I loves you enough for both of us.” Toki took a deep breath and slashed the blade down.  
As an afterthought as death claimed him, Toki managed to fling the book into the fire.

****

They found him the next morning, dead in the clearing. Strange designs were drawn on the ground, and a black stone knife was still in one talented hand. Suicide clearly, but why?  
There was no way for them to go on, the loss of Skwisgaar had started it and without even Toki, they were finished.  
The world mourned as the terminal beast that had been Dethklok died with Toki Wartooth.

****

_Toki was safe in Skwisgaar’s arms, and his throat was unmarked. It didn’t matter where they were, as long as they were together.  
To be able to hold him, touch him, kiss him again...  
If this wasn’t heaven, Toki had no interest in finding it.  
“I loves you, Skwisgaar. More than anythings.”  
“You knows what, Toki? I loves you.”_


End file.
